Complications of delaying divorce

My divorce becomes final on May 14th.  It should have happened a few years ago, but nothing can change what's done; it's simply important that we move forward.   However, I would like to point out one complication that may arise from delaying a divorce too long.   Reasons exist, and I don't want to go into them; the important thing to learn from my experience is whatever you do, don't delay.  Get it done.

After we decided to break up, my ex-wife ended up getting together with another man.  She had two sons by him.  Because the way states write family law, courts tend to consider them a "product of the marriage", even though there's no way I could have fathered them, and their mother freely admits they're not mine.  The separation agreement says they aren't mine, and my ex is not asking for support for her sons.  However, the court is now asking for DNA evidence that the sons aren't mine.

Say what?

Let me repeat it, because it bears repeating: my ex is not asking for any support, and the separation agreement clearly states that the boys are not mine, but the court wants DNA evidence to prove it. 

So...who pays for the test?  It's going to be up to me.  I had no part in the production or the raising of these children, and they live with their mother and father, but I am going to have to pay for a DNA test to prove the boys aren't mine.  

What's the reasoning here?  It makes no sense to me.  

In any case, I'm doing it and getting it over with so we can follow through with the dissolution on May 14th, but the idea of it has me boiling.  

If I had my head together when she asked for the divorce, I could have ended things with my ex in court before she had the first boy, so heed my advice: do whatever you have to do to make your divorce happen quickly.  Don't get caught up in "product of the marriage" nonsense--you could actually get stuck paying for support for children who aren't yours.  Ohio seems to care about paternity, but not all states are the same--some will not care who the father is, as long as the husband has an income.  

Life as it stands right now

In six days, my current relationship will be six months old, and it's going strong.

Anyone who has followed this blog from the beginning knows I was married, but I haven't really talked about the end of that marriage and what's happened since.  I could write about what happened between the time I met my fiancee back to the time my ex decided she wanted a divorce, but it's in the past, it's not going to change anything, and things are going so well right now, I don't want to dredge up the negativity.  To summarize briefly, we had terrible marriage counseling, I immersed myself in gaming, had a lot of deaths among friends and family, let things get a bit out of hand, finally regained control of my senses and finances, and figured out that I was better off without her.  It was just me and my daughter for awhile, then I moved back to Ohio from Michigan, near my mom.

     A few months after I moved, I met Jeanie in a mingling group on Facebook, and we found love.  We fell quickly and deeply, and it continues to grow stronger.  There are so many reasons we're together, but one of the points of compatibility is that she has a son on the autism spectrum.  He has Aspbergers.  Knowing the signs of autism, I could tell when I met him, but if people don't know, they just think he's a goofy, quirky, funny kid.

    Anyway, it's awesome enough that Jeanie and I get along the way we do; we have been told we inspire people to find true love, and we absolutely enjoy each other's company.  We both agree that we've never been happier.  I've never laughed more or harder, never had more affection or passion, never had so many reasons to love someone as I do Jeanie.  But the fact that her son and I hit it off is a huge bonus.

     I've taken him to the store with me a few times and once to get a haircut, and we've gotten to talk and laugh together.  He embraced me on the first visit, and he enjoys sharing jokes with me.  I helped him with his computer, as well, and he wants me to teach him programming.  Jeanie says it is not each for her son to get attached to strange men, but it happened pretty quickly with me, and I love the kid.

    My own daughter hit it off with Jeanie, though she does have problems with breaks in her routine, and we've had some issues when Jeanie was staying at my place the first few times.  When we went to Pennsylvania before that, she loved Jeanie right away, and got along with her very well.  Now she looks forward to the visits from Jeanie and her son, and asks when they're going to be over.  The aids at her school tell me that she talks about them all the time, excitedly.  Caitlin really wants to move to Pennsylvania, and she said it the first time we were there.

      Having a woman in my life who understands the autism spectrum and is such a great advocate for her own children is a huge benefit to our relationship.  It's not why we're together, but it sure makes life easier.  Jeanie has been great about looking into autism resources in Pennsylvania for Caitlin already.

     Jeanie has a daughter, as well, whom I've met, but I've not had much opportunity to interact.  She's a brilliant girl, into art and language, and I think we'll be fine.  It's hard to relate to people when you're really smart, so having someone else who is on her level around the house will be a welcome change, I'm sure.  Eventually.

     Anyway, I'm head-over-heels, crazy in love, and I've been riding that emotional high for almost six months now.  It's been wonderful.  It's done wonders for my outlook on life.  She makes me a better person.